By: Fajr Zahid, Zuckerberg College of Health Sciences Well-being Leader
While many of us are able to recognize the importance of being kind and compassionate to others, these concepts may often be forgotten when reflecting on ourselves. It is equally as important, however, to be able to practice and incorporate self-compassion into your own life, especially during difficult and stressful times.
It is natural to find yourself experiencing feelings of self-doubt, self-judgment and self-criticism from time to time. After all, we cannot always be satisfied and fulfilled with ourselves, whether it has to do with the way we behave, think, perform, look, or react to others. Constantly viewing yourself and your life in a harsh and negative light, however, can be detrimental to your well-being in many ways.
By only focusing on and pointing out your perceived flaws, you are in many ways inhibiting yourself from being able to flourish and improve as an individual. As you instill more and more negative views about yourself into your mind, you begin to reinforce the idea that you are incapable of succeeding and overcoming whatever struggles you may be experiencing, whether they are emotional, physical, intellectual, etc. Therefore, it is highly important that you treat yourself with patience, kindness, and compassion when you find yourself trapped in moments of self-doubt and self-criticism. During these times, it is also more important than ever to remind yourself of your strengths, capabilities, and admirable qualities. This will help you develop a more positive outlook on your situation, and motivate you to keep pushing forward, despite any setbacks.
Learning to forgive yourself for things such as not being able to perform a task as well as you wish you had, or not having treated someone as kindly as you feel you could have, for example, also ties directly into the idea of self-compassion. Making mistakes and learning from them is a part of growth; instead of viewing them as irreversible actions, it is more beneficial to view them as lessons that can help us improve.
Self-compassion can be practiced in many ways, and it is important that we try to incorporate these practices into our lives, even when we feel that we are not deserving of it. Remember to always treat yourself with the same kindness, respect, patience, forgiveness and compassion that you feel others deserve, and do not lose sight of all of the positive attributes of yourself, especially during the challenging times in your life đ
By: Medi Woldemichael, Manning School of Business Well-being Leader
College life is a real whirlwind! With classes, hanging out with friends, and everything else, it’s easy to just go with the flow and not think too much. But living with purpose is all about taking charge and making sure you’re doing what really matters to you. This blog is here to help you, as a college student, figure out what it means to live with purpose and give you simple tips to make your college years really count.
What does Living with Purpose Mean? Living with purpose is about making choices and doing things that matter to you. It’s about knowing what you care about and making sure your actions match that. For college students, it means not just going through the motions but really focusing on what you want and making it happen. Why Living with Purpose Matters in College: Growing as a Person: College is when you learn a lot about yourself. If you live with purpose, you can really make the most of that and grow in the ways that matter to you. Doing Well in Classes: When you have a purpose, you tend to do better in your classes because you know why you’re studying and what you want to get out of it. Finding Balance: College can get overwhelming but living with purpose helps you balance your studies with fun, which means less stress and more happiness. Building Relationships: Making friends and connections is a big part of college. Living with purpose means making friends who care about the same things you do and who can help you reach your goals. Planning for the Future: When you live with purpose, you’re better at making decisions about what you want to do after college, like your career and other life goals. Tips for Living with Purpose: Have Clear Goals: Start by setting goals that are specific and doable. This helps you know what you’re aiming for. Manage Your Time: College time flies! Use things like to-do lists and focusing on what’s most important to make the most of your day. Think About Your Progress: Take some time now and then to think about how things are going. It helps you stay on track. Choose Good Friends: Hang out with friends who support you and care about the stuff you care about. They can help you live with purpose. Take Care of Yourself: Eating well, getting enough rest, and exercising is super important for feeling good and doing well in college. Get Advice: Don’t be scared to ask for help from teachers, mentors, or advisors. They can give you good advice for making decisions and reaching your goals. Living with purpose in college isn’t about planning everything, but about making choices that matter to you. It helps you make the most of your college years, grow as a person, and get ready for your future. College is a special time, so live with purpose and make the best out of it.
By: Doa Jamal, Francis College of Engineering Well-being Leader
Global events can deeply affect our emotions, leading to feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, sadness, and anger, especially in times of uncertainty, such as wars, pandemics, and political instability. Looking at the news may make us want to curl up in a ball and cry. It may cause us to want to give up hope that there will be change. It may make us think the world is a horrible, horrible place.
While staying informed is important, it’s crucial to manage your relationship with the news and current events to protect your well-being.
Here are some strategies to help you maintain your mental health and emotional balance while staying informed:
1. Accept Your Emotions and Care for Yourself: Understand that feeling strong emotions in response to news is natural. Allow yourself to process and grieve when necessary. Take care of your physical well-being through healthy eating, regular exercise, fresh air, sunlight, and sufficient sleep.
2. Manage Your Relationship with the News: Constant exposure to news and social media can be detrimental. Limit the time you spend engaging with news and social media, possibly checking it once a day or twice a day. Try NOT to fall victim to doom scrolling.
3. Contribute What and When You Can: Feeling powerless in the face of global events can be distressing. Take action within your capacity, even small contributions can make a difference. Even something as small as making a donation or signing a petition can make you feel better.
4. Beware of Your Imagination: Avoid negative thought cycles by focusing on what is known today and what you can do now instead of imagining the worst possible scenarios.
5. Find the Good: Counterbalance negative news with positive stories, even though they might not make headlines. Recognize the kindness and goodness of people around you, the beauty of nature, and the support of friends and family.
6. Reach Out: Talk to someone about your thoughts, feelings and concerns. Just talking about it really helps to relieve some of that tension and stress. Talk to a loved one, a friend, a colleague, or a peer. You can talk in-private with a Well-Being Leader (we are here for you!) and if youâre looking for full confidentiality, you can speak with a professional therapist (UML Counseling Services).
By implementing these approaches, you can better navigate the emotional toll of global events without losing touch with what’s happening in the world.
By: Sai Igiede, Zuckerberg College of Health Sciences Well-being Leader
Hello, a lot of you  know me, and a lot of you  don’t, so I might as well introduce myself. My name is Nosagiegbon Igiede, but I go by Sai to almost everyone.
I am here to talk about stress. I am someone who stresses a lot! Whether it’s surrounding my major or what I’m going to eat for dinner, I constantly stress. It’s something I have always struggled with and still do; however, I do manage it very well, and I want to help you by telling you how I destress from pretty much everything and anything.
Journaling
I love to journal. I journal for a lot of reasons. Sometimes I write down dates and times for classes, and other times it becomes a creative outlet for me to express my feelings. I was actually recommended journaling by one of my long-term friends; he says that journaling is kind of like a book in your mind. Whether you choose to show the world or keep it to yourself, it should be a safe space to express yourself. This resonated with me for a couple of different reasons. Since I stress out about varying things, writing my thoughts down helped validate my stress in a way. It helped me find a balance between stressing over long-term goals and short-term ones, which is a big part of being stressed. But sometimes journaling isnât for everyone, which is totally fine.
Meditation/Relaxation
As much as I stress, I still try to find time to decompress by being alone. I know that it can be scary to relax alone for some, which is totally understandable. When I first started relaxing, whether it was in my dorm or even outside, I did it with friends who also needed to destress. Every time I would destress, it would be different. On some days, I would play video games for a few hours with my hometown friends. Other times I would watch the sunset on south campus with my colleague and talk about life and general issues, which for some is a great outlet.
Sleeping and maintaining a healthy mindset
Lastly, one thing I try to keep consistent with in college is the ability to sleep and have a clear mind. Now you are probably thinking, âSai, I am taking a crazy amount of credits. How am I going to maintain a good sleep schedule and study?â Now, this is what I am going to tell you: Just sleep. I know it sounds weird, but sometimes sleep is what you need. If you deprive your body of the things you need, it will only negatively affect you. This directly correlates with mindset. Try to change the way you think about college. Instead of dreading classes and negatively speaking things into existence, try to first change your language and tone. For example, instead of saying, âI really donât like this class,â try saying, âWhy donât I like this class? Is it the material I am not understanding? How can I personally improve?â.
One thing I want you to know is that it’s okay to take a break. Whether it is for 10 minutes or an entire mental health day, just know that it’s okay to not be studying all day every day. It is okay to not get a perfect score on a test or not have 100 friends by the end of the month; college is hard for a plethora of reasons. It’s okay to not have everything figured out.
By: Kuldeep Derola, Francis College of Engineering Well-being Leader
Let’s explore the dimension of “Emotional Wellness” in a short blog post:
Nurturing Emotional Wellness
Emotions are an integral part of the human experience. They color our perceptions, guide our decisions, and shape our interactions with the world. How we handle our emotions plays a pivotal role in our overall well-being, making “Emotional Wellness” a crucial dimension in the wheel of wellness.
Understanding Emotional Wellness
Emotional wellness isn’t about being happy all the time or suppressing negative emotions. It’s about developing a healthy relationship with your feelings, learning to recognize and express them constructively, and finding balance amidst life’s ups and downs.
Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself. Remember that it’s okay to feel a wide range of emotions, even the ones society labels as “negative.” Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend facing a similar situation.
In Conclusion
Emotional wellness is a lifelong journey, and it’s perfectly normal to have both good and challenging days. By prioritizing self-awareness, self-compassion, and healthy coping strategies, you can take significant steps toward nurturing your emotional well-being. Remember that it’s okay to ask for help when you need it. Embracing emotional wellness can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling life, where you are better equipped to handle life’s inevitable emotional rollercoasters.
My Office location and office hours: Southwick Hall-250(Deansâ Office)
Monday 2pm-3pm
Wednesday 2pm-3pm
Thursday 9am-11am
Citation:
Smith, John. “The Importance of Emotional Wellness.” Healthline Media, 15 May 2022
Doe, Jane. “Exploring the Relationship Between Mindfulness and Emotional Wellness.” Journal of Positive Psychology, vol. 10, no. 2, 2018, pp. 127-140.
by: Medi Woldemichael, Manning School of Business Well-being Leader
Starting college and still in the thick of it? Big adventure, right? As someone who came from a different country to study here, I remember the first time I walked onto campus. It was a crazy mix of feelings! I was super excited, a bit nervous, and really curious about everything. But there was one feeling I didn’t expect to hit me so hard: missing home.
I know I’m not the only one. Whether you’re from another city, state, or country, a lot of us miss the familiar stuff from home. If you’re feeling this way, here are some things that helped me get through it, and they might help you too.
Get Involved on Campus. When I first decided to actively participate in clubs and campus activities, I wasn’t sure what to expect. But, looking back, it was one of the best decisions I made. Not only did it give me a sense of belonging in this new environment, but it also introduced me to some amazing people. I met a bunch of good friends through these activities. One of the professors I got to know during a campus event is now my mentor!
If you’re unsure where to start, check out the UML Engage website. It has a list of all the ongoing and upcoming activities and clubs. Also, follow different university-related Instagram pages like @umlactivities. They often post updates and event announcements which can be super helpful to stay in the loop.
Explore You’re going to be in college for around 4 years, so why not make the most of it? Go beyond your dorm or usual hangout spots. The campus is packed with hidden spots waiting for you to discover. The Campus Recreation Center frequently has activities to keep you active and engaged. Don’t forget to check out Fox Common on east campus and @umlace; theyâre always full of events and things to do.
Outside of campus, Lowell’s downtown area has a rich mix of food from different cultures â there’s a dish for everyone. Looking for a change of scenery? The train station isn’t far from campus. Take a train, and soon you’ll find yourself in Boston, with a whole new city to explore!
Reflect on Your Purpose. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, reconnect with the reasons you chose this college journey. This reflection can offer clarity and motivation during moments of doubt. Adapting to a new environment, is no small feat. You can always set an appointment with on-campus well-being leaders who are there to guide and support you.
Embracing the experience, staying connected, and focusing on personal growth can guide you through the challenges of homesickness, making your college journey more rewarding. Coming from another country these are the exact strategies I used to overcome my own homesickness. By sticking to these principles, I navigated through the challenges and made my college journey much more meaningful and significant.
By Doa Jamal, Francis College of Engineering Well-being Leader
The world is always throwing us curveballs. Change is inevitable in life. Being able to accept change and adapt accordingly is extremely important for our mental and emotional well-being. Adaptability is important in every aspect of both your personal and professional life.
The definition of adaptability, according to the APA Dictionary of Psychology, is 1. âthe capacity to make appropriate responses to changed or changing situationsâ. or 2. âthe ability to modify or adjust oneâs behavior in meeting different circumstances or different peopleâ.
Benefits of Adaptability
Your value in the workplace will increase
One major criteria for employment is the ability of an individual to adapt. Being adaptable makes you more marketable and responsible than other candidates.
Adaptability is a skill every leader must have
Most people have some sort of leadership role whether at work, in school, in other organizations theyâre a part of, or within their family.
Leaders are always confronted with (usually sudden) challenges that require them to be decisive in making changes. So being adaptable is necessary.
Adaptable leaders earn the respect of others and motivate others to embrace change.
Adaptability creates more happiness and overall life satisfaction
Adaptability helps you be strong in a difficult situation. Once you assure yourself that you have all it takes to begin the change process within you, and you make that change, you will have higher self-esteem/self-efficacy and happiness for yourself.
Being more adaptable can help with anxiety, because you will not worry as much about what the day holds for you. You know that whatever happens, you will make it through the day.
Doâs and Donâts for Being Adaptable
DO challenge your brain
DO more than just follow
DO reach out for help
——————————
DONâT be afraid of growth
DONâT be close-minded
DONâT let your ego get in the way
DONâT get stuck in your comfort zone
To wrap-up, hereâs this helpful quote and reminder:
âAdaptability expands your capacity to handle change, no matter how serious it might be. Instead of throwing away your energy trying to change your circumstance, you will change yourself right from within, thus making you thrive in whatever situation you find yourself.â
By: Julia Yeadon, Fine Arts, Humanities, and Social Sciences Well-Being Leader
Whether you are an incoming freshman being introduced to a new environment, or a senior returning for your fourth year on campus after a long summer break, the beginning of the Fall semester can be one of the most difficult times. Adjusting to a new schedule at the beginning of each semester can be one of the most challenging things to navigate as a student. Oftentimes, it can be easy to let the craziness consume you, so much so that you forget the importance of self-care.
Itâs important to remember that your mental and physical health are a top priority during these overwhelming and stressful times. How are you expected to thrive in classes when you are not feeling your best? While being a college student comes with many responsibilities, you must remind yourself that you are a person first.
I personally experienced this challenge recently as I began my senior year. After being accepted into a bachelorâs to masterâs program here at UMass Lowell, I started taking my first few graduate-level courses while completing my final two semesters of my bachelorâs program. It has been an overwhelming first couple of weeks to say the least. Adjusting to the intensity and time commitment of graduate classes has been very stressful, and I can admit that I had forgotten the importance of putting aside time to care for my mental and physical health.
For those who find themselves in a similar position, I have constructed a list of 7 tips that will contribute to keeping your mind and body both happy and healthy throughout this semester. This highlights a few of the many ways you can improve your well-being. Keep in mind, some of these suggestions may not interest you upon reading. However, trying something new may lead you to discovering a new habit that positively impacts your daily life.
Write it all down.
One of the most challenging aspects of being a college student is time management. Life pulls us in many directions. We have to balance being a student with maintaining friendships and relationships, family, extracurriculars, and work. With so many commitments, it can be difficult to remember when every assignment is due, when an exam is coming up, and when you have a family event to attend. To ease stress of deadlines and important dates, write it down. Hang a calendar in your room, use a digital calendar, a checklist, or a weekly calendar whiteboard. Managing your time is the most essential advice I can offer you, and it is the foundation for having the time to engage in the other tips that are listed below.
Let yourself rest. You need it.
I am sure you have heard this a million times, but it is true. We need energy in order to be fully present in all of our time commitments. No, this does not mean filling your body with caffeine from a 24-hour energy drink to get you through studying for an exam the next day. While this may not always be possible to fit into our crazy schedules, try your best to get at least eight hours of sleep each night. Lack of sleep leads to less productivity, which leads to procrastination, which then leads to more stress. In fact, sufficient sleep has been linked to higher levels of memory retention in several studies. So, pulling an all-nighter may not be the most beneficial way to pass that exam after all.
Make time to exercise.
Exercising is one of the most efficient ways to reduce high cortisol (stress) levels. When people hear the word âexercise,â their minds often go to the idea of lifting weights in a gym or running on a treadmill, but this may not be for everyone. Exercising comes in many different forms: going for walks, playing basketball at the Campus Recreation Center, joining an Intramural or Club Team, riding a bike, going hiking, dancing, or doing yoga. The list goes on and on. Keeping your body healthy physically is fundamental to keeping your mind healthy.
Make time to see friends.
It can be hard finding time to see friends during the week between classes, homework, studying, working, and attending to other responsibilities. Friends are another great source to relieving stress, increasing a sense of belonging and contributing to our happiness. Make it a tradition to meet up with friends at the dining hall for dinner, go to the library together to do homework, form an intramural team with a group of friends, or make some fun plans for the weekend to look forward to, such as going to a UMass Lowell hockey game or visiting Mill No. 5 in Lowell.
Take a break from social media.
You hear your phone buzz from across your desk as you study and naturally find yourself reaching for it. Itâs a Tik Tok notification. One thing leads to another, and you find two hours have passed scrolling through videos. We have all done it. Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Tik Tok, Twitter â it all consumes us. Logging off for a couple of days will not only conserve a large portion of our time and allow us to focus but can also give us the opportunity to enjoy interacting with others in person. In addition, social media can contribute to mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression. Try logging off for a couple of days and see how it improves your well-being.
Try meditation and journaling.
Mental health challenges affect college-aged people more than any other age population. Managing your mental health and finding what methods work best for managing and preventing these challenges from impacting your daily life is critical. I have found short meditation videos on YouTube to be exceptionally effective in reducing stress and anxiety (Daily Calm videos are great!). You can even find a meditation playlist on Spotify to help yourself relax as you fall asleep. Another healthy way to maintain mental health is to journal. Write about your day, good and bad, or something youâve been struggling with and how you plan to overcome it. Write one thing that you are proud of yourself for accomplishing or goals you hope to achieve in the future. If meditation or journaling does not appeal to you, there are countless other ways you can care for your mental health
Do something every day that makes you happy.
Happiness is something we all need in our lives. Watch your favorite television show or a movie youâve been wanting to see, go outside (if the New England weather allows), bake cookies, facetime your friend from home, join that club youâve been interested in. Life is too short not to do what makes you happy. Managing your priorities to make time for doing things that make you happy will increase your motivation, reduce stress, and contribute to living a happy and healthy life.
I hope that at least one of these tips has caught your eye. If you find yourself struggling to attempt any of these suggestions, reach out to a Well-Being Leader on campus at www.uml.edu/wellbeing/well-being-leaders. We are eager to help students find ways to stay healthy along these eight dimensions of wellness: emotional, financial, spiritual, occupational, physical, environmental, social, and intellectual health. We are here for you!
If there is one thing you take from reading this, remember that you are a person before you are a student. Your mental and physical health take priority over anything else. Staying healthy throughout this semester will not only allow you to apply yourself to your fullest potential but will help you lead a healthy life.
Give up the people pleasing and learn how to be more fearless to access your best life.
By: Fahad Alden, Fine Arts, Humanities, and Social Sciences Well-being Leader
Youâve probably heard the saying, âNice guys finish last.â
Now, thereâs nothing wrong with being kind and empathetic in the right situations, but if youâve ever been taken advantage of as a result of your niceness, youâll know that niceness can quickly become people-pleasing.
And do you know what long-term people-pleasing can do? It can get in the way of achieving the career, the relationship, the lifestyle, and the future that you want.
Let me ask you, how do you typically react when a friend or partner betrays you? Letâs say they flake on plans or make hurtful comments about your appearance,. What do you do when this happens? If youâre a people-pleaser, you might often feel the urge to be a bigger person and resort to silence instead of openly addressing the issue.
In this case, because you failed to act fearlessly, you didnât improve your life. And youâre not alone in this behavior – 63% of American men say they go to great lengths to avoid conflict. But with 50% of people believing theyâve been overlooked for a promotion as a result of being âtoo nice,â itâs not always the best thing.
So, whatâs the solution?
The good news is that there are ways you can become more assertive and fearless and unlock the life youâve always dreamt of. Thereâs no easy fix, though. Youâll have to adjust your behavior daily to unlock your true potential.
That means your body language and tone of voice dictate the rest of how you communicate with others. After all, they do say actions speak louder than words for a reason.
If your body language suggests youâre timid, anxious, or weak, you can kiss goodbye to that dream promotion or a date with the girl you like. Strong body language suggests inner strength, and thatâs exactly what you want to present.
Your stance in the first place to start.
For a dominant stance, hold your back straight and your head up high, with your shoulders and hips facing forward and your chest uncovered. Your arms should hang comfortably by your sides – having your hands clasped in front of you is a defensive posture.
Talking with your hands is a great way to show openness and confidence and build rapport with others. Keep your palms open while you speak and move them around to emphasize important parts of speech.
Getting the right handshake is another must. A strong dominant handshake is offered with the palm turned downward, so the other party has to turn theirs upward to meet it. The handshake should be firm (without being forceful) and give enough personal space so that the move doesnât come across as too aggressive.
Have a Fearless Mindset
Youâll never come across as authentically fearless if you donât feel it inside. You have to believe that youâre worth the treatment you deserve. Tell yourself that you deserve the job, the car, the partner, the family, and the career that you want.
The more you believe it, the more others will start to.
Learn When to Say âNoâ
Not wanting to let others down is understandable. But when you fail to say ânoâ to anything for fear of conflict, you may start to become a pushover – and others will take advantage of that.
Remember, if youâre being asked to do something that would require you to give up too much of yourself, your time, or your money, set a boundary and say no. Youâll gain peopleâs respect, and you wonât be walked all over anymore.
Question The System
When we accept things for the way we are without pushback, weâre never working to our own agenda – only other peopleâs. If somebody around you is in a position of authority, that doesnât necessarily mean that they always know the best way to do things.
The coolest guys out there are prepared to stand up for what they believe in, even if it goes against the status quo.
In the workplace, for example, donât always assume that because something has been done for a while means it is the right way of handling situations. If you have ideas that you think are better, voice them while being respectful to your colleagues and manager. Standing up for your ideas will get you noticed by all the right people.
Forget Being Likable
Being likable doesnât have to involve giving others everything they want at your expense. Instead, work on becoming an attractive, confident person who others want to be around for your company, not because they want somebody to take advantage of. If you or people around you are just fake nice, that can oftentimes be manipulation. Right from the start, it hurts the value of genuine compliments or simple chats. You need to be able to push one another and create strong, valuable bonds. Because if one friend loses, everyone loses, but if one friend wins, everyone wins!
On the other hand, if someoneâs being rude to you, focus on channeling calm assertive energy. This means be nice but with a firm and reassuring tone. Use phrases like “What is the main issue?” Or “Do we have a problem?â. Address the situation, and donât let it pile on. At least you will stay true to your own being. Better to be hated for who you are than loved for someone you are not.
Ask for Things
Do you know why that guy in your office recently had a pay rise, and you didnât?
Because he asked for it.
Half the time, we miss out on opportunities just because we fail to ask for what we want.
You know that cool businessman you follow on Instagram and wish you could be just like? Why not drop him a message and ask if you can work as his intern or interview him for your podcast?
That girl you think is cute on your commute to work – why not ask her if she wants to grab a coffee?
The fearless version of you recognizes that the worst that can happen is that people say no. And in the grand scheme of things, thatâs really not so scary.
A Fearless Approach – The Key to Unlocking Your Best Life
The truth is, all those things youâve ever dreamed of are within your reach, and they donât require you to change who you are to get them. All you need to change is your mindset.
By becoming a more fearless and assertive person, you can keep all your interests and the personality traits that make you, you, but let go of the things that are holding you back.
The time to start is now.
Interested in finding out more about the path to your dream life? Read more of my blogs or come meet with me to discover how!
By: Fahad Alden, Fine Arts, Humanities, and Social Sciences Well-being Leader
Have you ever reached a point where you feel like â crap, I just need to change something or get out of here? Or maybe you are not sure which is the right way forward because you have started feeling as if you are constantly losing yourself. Or you are burning to step out of your monotony and have a life-changing experience for a week, two, or more.
Sound familiar? But yeah, you might be thinking, how about work? Doing this may not pay the bills unless you can take paid leave! However, it will do something much greater â it will save your sanity.
Trust me, before you say you can’t afford to spend time due to your hectic schedules, just understand how important it is. Let me give you an example, and brace yourselves â it is one of my life’s most essential and awakening moments.
Storytime â One evening, I visited the library after work and used the bathroom. I realized my inner feelings were flooding out as I looked into the mirror. Indeed, I didnât plan to face myself that evening, but it just happened. I noticed how my inner emotions were reflecting towards the outside. Acne started covering my face, the bags under my eyes became more evident, and my T-shirt seemed too tight. You know those moments when you feel horrible (even though thatâs not the case, and the mirror just shows you that? . But when I looked into the mirror, I also kind of felt like that wasn’t me. Like I was inhabiting someone elseâs body â super shocking moment. What’s happening to me? Because, like every human being, deep inside, I just wanted to be happy.. Instead, I was slipping away.
Then it dawned on me, I needed to find my happiness! So, I started recollecting my thoughts about what brought me joy â movies, fashion, travel, and museums. And the common thing that binds them all together was it was all centered in New York.
And this is how I began my journey. I feel lucky enough because I found a solution to calm my stress and anxiety â I found myself before I was about to lose myself. The quest for oneself is probably one of the only topics less popular than the quest for the truth. Books and movies have all exploited this concept and introduced one of the best ways to find ourselves. Of course, as youâve gathered from my Captain Obvious hint, it is through travel. This might seem a simple task, except for the concept of self. But believe me, you never know if your assumption of yourself is true until you truly find yourself. As confusing as this sounds, it is the most beautiful and gratifying experience.
So what were my takeaways from the trip? How did I find myself?
Learning to trust ME boosts confidence
Travel cuts you from the routine of everyday life. You can plan a trip however you want and just be with yourself â it prepares you for life. Often I get a lot of unsolicited advice from everyone around me, and in that moment, I felt like â excuse me, who the hell asked you? Iâm sure that you do, too; super annoying right? And because of this, I often felt pulled by what people said. I needed to start listening to my own voice more, and during one of these memorable trips to New York, I realized how to trust myself. Every decision was on my own terms. It was me who decided where I wanted to eat, where I wanted to go, and who I should talk to.
One of the instances I will never forget is when I was at a gas station. An older man entered a convenience store, grabbed a sweatshirt, and made a run for it. He was confronted, and eventually, the cashiers beat him up. I watched all this happening near the scarf section; I was wearing a turtleneck and an Iraqi necklace. I was trying to blend in, but I am sure I didnât. It even escalated to the point when the older man started screaming at cashiers that he was going to kill them. The entire situation was frightening, but it taught me to listen to trust my instincts more than ever. Surprisingly, such scary, this-is-the-real-stuff-and-not-a-movie experiences change your perspective and boosts your confidence.
The Value of Connection
While safety was always my top priority while traveling, it made me realize the world was, after all, not a bad palace to be in. When people realized I was alone, their perspective toward me changed.. Initially, I felt terrified at conversing with a stranger, but believe it or not, it wasn’t as dangerous as I thought. Forget about all of that negativity you see on the news, movies, and the vibes you get from your frenemies. There are more good people on this planet than you realize!
For example, one such instance is when I was waiting for a bus for more than 30 minutes. I was a bit sleep deprived and hungry. But I met a woman around my age and just checked with her if I was at the right place. Then the Brazilian woman next to me started chatting with me. As more time passed, we all started discussing. The younger one was named Palak, and the Brazilian woman was Priscilla. As more time passed, I called customer service and was told that the bus driver won’t come in as he was unwell. Then eventually, I rechanged my ticket. I also helped Priscilia as she was struggling to make phone calls due to language barrier issues.
We got smoothies from Mcdonalds nearby and waited for some more time. Then we all connected and laughed with one another. Our conversation continued all on the bus and for the next four hours on the bus.
Imagine laughing with complete strangers and having the best time! It was a light and beautiful moment. It taught me there is always an element of beauty when we connect. Often we get so fixated on our lives that we never attempt moving out of our comfort zones (yes, Iâm talking about those toxic people that keep flying in and out of your life) and making new friends. This was a super random conversation with random people, and I will definitely treasure it forever.
I have noticed this is one of the issues in smaller towns too. Everyone would want to hang out with people they already know and avoid branching out. So when I traveled alone to a big city, I connected confidently with strangers and people around me. Getting out of your comfort zone means you are probably about to try something new, something exciting, or about to be challenged in a way that will develop and strengthen you.
Embracing Solitude
I think for a lot of us our careers require us to be around other people all day. I think sometimes on trips we get bogged down by talking to everyone around us- we lose sight of our surroundings. For me, I strayed away from even taking a great deal of pictures and just fully soaked everything in. I think the best memory comes to my mind is when I was in central park where I began dancing like there was no care in the world. I started channeling my Inner Charlie Puth âhow long has this been goingâ music video. I was walking on benches and rocks all throughout the park. I was fully in the moment.
I would say embrace growth, dive deep into uncertainty, and even see fear as a positive thing.
We are often guilty of masking our emotions and burying our heads in the sand. So sometimes, there are things we don’t want to admit to ourselves or situations we are too scared to work through. In this case, traveling gave me time to get to know every corner of myself. You get to look beyond yourself â one second, you live in pure happiness; the next, you are frustrated, just to be incredibly happier after that again. When I traveled, I admitted things that I had been covering up and denying for a long time. I also noticed a change in my look; I started feeling bold, and more confident than ever!
Trust me, the moment you face everything you are and everything you feel, you gain the ability to become the best version of yourself.
I hope my experience will be an eye-opener for you and that you will come out exploring yourself before it gets too late. For more inspiration, follow me on Spotify @fahaddurdenalden, and look out for the season!
