By: Fahad Alden, College of Fine Arts, Humanities, and Social Sciences Well-being Leader

Link to the picture: https://wallpaperaccess.com/love-failure

From the young age of 8 until now, I have battled to overcome my hardest internal struggle of depression. After many years and therapy sessions, I can now feel like things have somewhat improved. However, I do find my depression often looming back to me in the same way as waves in the ocean often come out of nowhere and with great power.  I sometimes find it hard to predict and difficult to stop these sensations before they emerge, but I am proud of how far I’ve come in this journey. 

So, today, I decided to open my heart and soul and share my hardest failure with you- failing the MCAS.  I  hope that my experience will inspire you    to move from the failures you’ve faced so that you become a stronger, resilient individual. 

It feels inauthentic to me if I were to use my voice to only share stories of success – those in which I held positions  and triumphed through. My journey wasn’t smooth. Instead, my life has been filled with plenty of downs, failures, and shortcomings. So, there’s really no better way to begin my story than by sharing one from the very beginning.

I was at a young professionals’ event a couple years ago, and I was trying to mingle with others.  Even now, I can still  feel the discomfort of just staying there, completely frozen, not being able to utter a single word. All the others spoke about their reasons for choosing the colleges they attended and the many extra activities they participated in. Some were talking about being chess club presidents, while others were boasting about their success as valedictorian. 

Even though I am elected official and involved in student government , I never felt I belonged in those circles.  . Then they began discussing their MCAS scores. They started talking about whether or not the MCAS was necessary and began comparing their scores.  They turned to me, and asked what I got. To sayI was already not fitting in was understatement. I felt nervous sharing that I actually failed the MCAS.   Out of nowhere, my mind began to flash past memories, and I was transported back to the day I found out I failed . 

Overwhelmed with anxiety , I barely gathered enough strength to excuse myself and  lock myself  in the bathroom to cry. I thought to myself, do I even belong out there? I am nowhere as intelligent or sophisticated as them.I eventually collected myself by remembering what I learned from that experience and joined back in.

So, you must be wondering: how did I overcome this negative experience and turn it around? 

I was often a victim of the typical school bullies – those I am sure many of you encountered as well. Being also a victim of  physical abuse, I often used dissociation as an escape strategy. Let me paint a simple picture if you wonder how my dissociations worked: I created a world in my head where I was in the mountains, surrounded by a community of loving people and animals. It got me away from my current reality. 

 This all came with a cost, and as I got older, I  struggled to take control of it, oftentimes trying to force myself to come back to reality and finish my schoolwork .With my learning disability on top of the  dissociations, powering through was extremely challenging throughout school. Trying to control it at times often felt like i was aMatador taking hold of bull

Fast forward to the Math MCAS, what I thought was the biggest failure of my life. As I began the exam, the voice that had been quietly whispering to me all these years was now screaming loud inside my head. I struggled to focus. I felt panic slowly start to take over me, and I when I received the results, I couldn’t help but come face to face with my biggest fear: Failure.

 From that point on, my healing journey began, and I slowly uncovered my own  path  to overcoming failure.

• Step 1: Healing

I’ve learned that the very first step to changing your mindset is allowing yourself to heal.  In order to do that, you need to let yourself feel every emotion – just as I did.    

Although I was quite young then, I allowed myself to feel everything because I knew I had to in order to move on. Whether that emotion was anger, sadness or desperation, I allowed myself to drown in all of it. 

I started writing in a journal and made sure that I put every feeling I felt down in words. I can assure you that once you start labelling your thoughts and emotions, no matter how devastating they are, you will be able to move past them. Hiding them won’t help – it will just push them down, and make it harder for you to overcome them. 

I also recommended sharing your feelings with a close friend or circle of people.  Sharing your concerns is better than keeping them concealed, as it’s the only way to experience revival. 

• Step 2: Self-compassion

This means that you need to be kind to yourself. Remember that we’re all human-not some kind of machine that isn’t supposed to make mistakes. Maybe you talk these things through with a friend. Or maybe you try writing letters to yourself regarding the  failure you faced and the emotions that go along with it.Make sure that you write these to yourself as though you are writing to a friend.Think of how you would console your friend and what would you say to uplift them. This allows you to see the failure from a caring and nurturing perspective. 

When I make mistakes, I often think back to the quote that helps me pick myself up : “If you trip, does it mean that you cannot walk?” Ask yourself the same question next time you come across some hardship in your life, and let the answer inspire you to pick yourself up and move forward. 

• Step 3: Learning

I get that it’s always easy to put the blame on others. I used to be filled with deep  jealousy of the other kids whose parents could afford to send them to tutoring . 

My parents weren’t really wealthy. In fact, they barely had money to make ends meet. My dad for the longest time had to  work three jobs just so we could live in Bedford. Life unfortunately is unfair, and becoming bitter makes you unable to enjoy the privileges that you do have.  

I decided to learn from this and changed the way I looked at school and life in general. I signed up for courses naturally, setting aside those in which I knew I would struggle.  I also began researching and working with my therapist to work on tools to help combat my issues. You are never able to decide what happens to you, but you have the responsibility to take measures to help yourself, not just for yourself but for others around you as well. 

• Step 4: Acceptance

If you want to grow into a more resilient person, then you need to accept yourself as you are. People often fall into the trap of comparing themselves to others, wishing their lives looked more like theirs.. And this is probably the biggest mistake you can make. I used to belittle myself, feeling like I was not even close to the capacities of my friends who were successful students and entrepreneurs. But as I got older, I began to notice and accept my strengths, letting them guide my way through life. These are the things that make me authentic – for which I pride myself on today. 

Although I’ll probably never be able to play chess, do calculus,  be sophisticated enough to cut a steak correctly,or identify cashmere, that is fine. My strengths come out in storytelling and my ability to connect with people. 

I strongly  believe in using darker experiences of bullying, abuse and failure and translating them into good.  When I have taken my own experiences of abuse, bullying, or self loathing and turned them into a script, podcast episode or writing piece, I felt an element of release-A sense of being reborn and free . 

I challenge you to accept your experiences and share them. Whether they are in tangible forms such as writing or using it to extend empathy to someone else.

I now know that the words written in this blog are the things that make me authentic.. 

Remember, failure is inevitable. What matters is how you look at it – as a setback or as an opportunity for improvement. 

Writing this story of how to overcome failure wasn’t easy. Being an immigrant, I was taught to keep things to myself and be weary of what I tell others. But I decided to go for it- to help high school and college students like you learn that hardships are fleeting. 

So, learn from my experience and push yourself to become a better version of who you are today.

If this spoke to you, take some time to read through the rest of our blog – you might discover another story that speaks to you.

By: Fajr Zahid, Zuckerberg College of Health Sciences Well-being Leader

It can be very difficult to watch a loved one, whether it be a family member, close friend, or romantic partner, go through a tough time in their life. Whether they are struggling with their mental health, physical health, or both, it is important to be able to recognize the warning signs and help the person work towards improving their health and well-being.

In comparison to physical illness, which usually has distinct, visible symptoms and changes in the body, mental illness is often harder to recognize and treat. It also holds a greater stigma around it, which can discourage those who are affected from finding and receiving help. Although every individual demonstrates their struggles in a different way, there are specific signs that may indicate if someone in your life is experiencing mental illness and needs help. Some of these signs include:

1. Extreme mood changes (highs and lows)
2. Excessive feelings of worry or fear
3. Low energy and tiredness
4. Changes in sleep pattern/difficulty sleeping
5. Withdrawal from loved ones and engaging in isolating behaviors
6. Inability to cope with stress or daily hassles
7. Changes in eating habits
8. Misusing or abusing substances such as alcohol, marijuana, or pills
9. Excessively angry, violent, or hostile behavior
10. Suicidal thoughts and/or actions

If you suspect that your loved one is struggling with their mental health and well-being, or if their mental illness seems to be getting worse, understand that there are many ways in which you can offer them assistance and resources to help them better cope with these struggles.

Try to educate yourself on the hardships that the person you are concerned about is experiencing. If they have shared with you their past struggles with mental illness, it can help to educate yourself on the specific disorder(s) they are dealing with and act according to what you have learned. Do not be afraid to start a conversation with them and address the concerns you have about their wellness. Although the idea of doing this can be intimidating, and you may be worried about how they will react to it, understand that you are doing it out of a loving and caring place. When speaking to them, make sure to be patient, understanding, non-judgmental, and a good listener. Also, try to encourage them to meet with a professional. This could be a counselor, therapist, psychiatrist, or their primary care physician – whichever they are most comfortable with. Experts such as these can provide resources for the person you are concerned about, and assist in creating a plan to help them overcome their mental struggles.

UMass Lowell’s Office of Student Life & Well-being provides a variety of resources for students who are struggling with their health and well-being. If the person you are worried about is a student at UMass Lowell, here are some mental health resources that could be beneficial to them:
● Counseling Services: https://www.uml.edu/student-services/counseling/
● Well-being Leaders: https://www.uml.edu/wellbeing/well-being-leaders.aspx
● Mental Health Crisis Hotline: 855-890-2879

While it can be really saddening and challenging to watch someone you love and care for go through a mentally tough time, remember that there are many ways in which they can be helped. Try to remain positive and hopeful during difficult times such as these, and be sure to remind your loved one that their presence is valuable. Also, while it is very important to be there for someone when they are struggling, do not forget to also look out for your own health and well-being in the midst of trying to help another person improve theirs.

Resources:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental-illness/symptoms-causes/syc-
20374968
https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/helping-a-loved-one-cope-with-mental-ill
ness

By: Alejandra Malaga Walters, Francis College of Engineering Well-being Leader

The relationship between parents and a child is among the most significant in a person’s life. It affects the way you view people and relationships. The parental relationship is one of the earliest connections a child has, and it definitely sets the bar for every relationship thereafter. Some people think we are born with specific genes identifying our personality, but let’s not forget that different environmental factors also have an impact on personal development. Parenting is probably the most fundamental one because it shapes the child’s temperament and character. There are many ways to explain your relationship with your parents, but we’ll describe the two more common ones.

The more attentive and expressive your parents are, the more open & sociable you might be in the future. It’s clear that one of the most important things you need from your parents is love. When you are loved by your parents in childhood, you know what love is and how it can be shown. In this case, you won’t be afraid to show your love to other people who will come into your life over time. Parent-child communication influences how open you are in future relationships. There is a golden rule: better parent-child communication means fewer psychological and behavioral problems for the child in adulthood.

The more neglectful your parents are, the more attention you will seek & demand in adulthood. If you are lacking sufficient attention from one or both of your parents at an early age, you may often find yourself struggling for a romantic interest’s attention and often have trouble in your love life. Some psychologists claim that inattentive and emotionally dramatic parents tend to raise children with lower self-esteem, children who need more attention and feel more alienated, hostile, or even anti-social. In other words, children who were feeling neglected can very often grow up to be needy adults.

The relationship you had with your parents growing up may have had an impact on the way you see and treat others in adulthood. It can be helpful to identify what kind of relationship you had with your parents and look for patterns of how that is influencing your adult life.  You can’t change the past, but you can work to heal your inner child and build a better future. You can build the best version of yourself. 

Source: How Your Relationship With Your Parents Affects Your Life | Wealthy Gorilla

By: Angel Molekunnel, Manning School of Business Well-being Leader

Summer is an excellent time to prioritize your well-being and focus on self-care.

Here are 4 ways to practice self-care over the summer:

1. Make the most of the nice weather by spending time outside. Take a stroll, a hike, a bike ride, or a swim. Physical activity on a regular basis can help avoid chronic illnesses such as heart disease, stroke, and diabetes. It can also aid in the maintenance of a healthy weight, the strengthening of muscles and bones, and the improvement of general physical fitness. Summer offers several options for outdoor activities such as swimming, hiking, bicycling, and sports. Participating in these activities can enhance physical exercise while also providing mental and emotional advantages. Here are some suggestions for exercising self-care throughout the summer. To keep hydrated in the heat, drink plenty of water and consume meals high in water content, such as fruits and vegetables.
2. To avoid sunburn and skin damage, use sunscreen, hats, and protective clothes. Wearing sunscreen throughout the summer is essential for protecting your skin from the sun’s ultraviolet (UV) radiation. Overexposure to UV radiation can result in sunburn, accelerated aging, and an increased risk of skin cancer. Sunscreen works by absorbing or deflecting UV radiation from the sun, preventing them from accessing the skin.
3. Take pauses and give yourself time to rest and recharge whether you’re working or studying throughout the summer. To alleviate stress and promote mental health, try meditation, yoga, or other mindfulness techniques. Practicing meditation throughout the summer can offer several health and wellness advantages. Summer may be a stressful and anxious season, and meditation might help you handle it. Regular meditation practice has been demonstrated to lessen cortisol levels, which is a stress hormone. In the summer, long days and high temperatures might make it difficult to obtain a decent night’s sleep. However, studies have shown that meditation can assist improve sleep quality and reduce insomnia.
4. Spending time with friends and family, as well as joining a social group or club, is vital for mental health. Socializing can help you feel better and lessen stress and anxiety. Time spent with friends and family may create a sense of belonging and support, which is especially crucial during difficult times. Summer is a season for discovery and adventure, and connecting with others can provide fresh opportunity to do new activities. Whether it’s attempting a new sport, visiting a new location, or learning a new skill, connecting with people may enhance these experiences.

Take a trip or arrange a staycation if feasible to get away from your routine and discover new locations or activities. Remember that self-care is taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental health, so prioritize what works best for you and have a wonderful summer!

Citations-
● Santi, J. (2022, April 29). Make this the summer of you: How to upgrade your self-care routine for
Summer. The Everygirl. Retrieved April 17, 2023, from
https://theeverygirl.com/summer-self-care-routine/
● Edick, E. (2022, October 4). 7 ways to practice self-care during summer break. Active Minds.
Retrieved April 17, 2023, from
https://www.activeminds.org/blog/7-ways-to-practice-self-care-during-summer-break/
● Fishel, S. (2022, October 1). Prioritizing your mental health with Summer Self-care. Learning
Technology Center. Retrieved April 17, 2023, from https://www.ltcillinois.org/self-care-summer/
● SoundMind Wellness. (2021, June 18). 5 tips for practicing summer self-care. SoundMind Wellness.
Retrieved April 17, 2023, from
https://www.soundmindwellness.com/post/5-tips-for-practicing-summer-self-care

By: Doa Jamal, Francis College of Engineering Well-being Leader

Summer is supposed to be about fun right? For a lot of us, that’s not entirely true. Many of us feel the need to be productive during the summer. We view summer as the time to be able to get new experiences without worrying about classes and the additional stresses that come with the academic year. However, when summer starts to crawl near, the summer anxiety starts to hit. What am I doing this summer? How can I get the most out of it? I have so much I need to do, how can I do it all? 

Summer anxiety often stems from a change in routine and a new lack of structure. There is also the pressure to have fun. When people think they are not having enough fun in the summer or are constantly comparing themselves to others, it can lead to depression. Summer anxiety is also a form of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Experts suggest that this is due to the increased sunlight throwing off our circadian rhythm, which often results in individuals sleeping less. Additionally, dealing with higher temperatures, humidity, sweating, etc affects people’s mental mindset, sometimes making people more irritable and negative. 

Here are some tips on how to deal with Summer Anxiety: 

1. Have a plan beforehand. 

I know we may not want to think about it, but it is definitely better to have a plan beforehand rather than start planning late or go with the flow. When summer hits and you have no idea what you’re doing, you’re likely to be more anxious. Pre-planning your summer will help to reduce anxiety.

2. Take action steps to prepare for your summer experience(s).  

If you’re planning on having an internship or summer job, start applying during the spring. If you’re planning on shadowing a Doctor, reach out to their clinic beforehand. If you’re planning on taking a trip, book the flight earlier for cheaper tickets and plan your trip. If you’re planning on taking a summer course, make sure you enroll early before the class fills up. 

3. Try not to stress about having fun. 

There is societal pressure, pushed forward by social media, to have a “gram-worthy” summer fun experience. People post on social media photos of being on yachts, being at the beach, etc. While it is not necessarily bad to post on social media, it is also not necessary for you to do so to have the same type of experience. There are countless experiences that you can do that you will find enjoyable. It does not have to be large. It may just be spending some time with family or friends every once in a while. Movie marathon anyone?

4. Avoid the heat but still make sure to enjoy the nice weather 

Be sure to avoid the heat and humidity, especially if you’re more sensitive to higher temperatures. But be sure to go outside every now and then to get some fresh air. The weather tends to be nicer in the early morning or in the evening. Some people enjoy taking walks at night in the summer. There is much research (see sources 1 and 2) that shows that engaging with nature helps with emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. 

5. Don’t be afraid to get help! 

This can include speaking to a friend about your anxiety. Just talking to someone often helps a lot. You can always come talk to me or other Well-Being leaders during our office hours (see link below). If your anxiety is more severe or you would rather speak to a professional, you can reach out to your therapist or explore the options that UML offers. Lastly, you may consider speaking with your doctor or a psychiatrist about medication to treat anxiety and/or depression. 

To talk to a Well-Being Leader:

https://www.uml.edu/wellbeing/well-being-leaders.aspx

If you would like to speak to an UML counselor: https://www.uml.edu/student-services/counseling/ 

Check out Togerall, a FREE mental health peer support community: https://tinyurl.com/y8jveemp 

Have a ~good~ summer (on your own terms!) and see you in the fall! 

Sources:

1. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2020/04/nurtured-nature 
2. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8125471/ 
3. https://blog.campusgroups.com/campusgroups/2018/5/23/50-ways-for-college-students-to-maximize-summer-break
4. https://www.buckscountyanxietycenter.com/how-to-handle-summertime-an