Category Archives: Emotional Health

EMOTIONAL HEALTH

Managing your feelings and knowing when to ask for help. Identifying, expressing, and managing your entire range of emotions, experiences, and vulnerabilities.

Standing Tall: My Journey Against Peer Pressure

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By: Angel Molekunnel, Manning School of Business Well-being Leader 

As I stepped onto UMass Lowell’s campus for the first time, a whirlwind of excitement and anticipation surrounded me. The prospect of newfound freedom and endless possibilities seemed exhilarating, but little did I know that along with this newfound independence would come relentless pressure.

The first few weeks passed in a blur, between orientation events and late-night dorm room gatherings. It wasn’t long before I found myself surrounded by peers who seemed to effortlessly navigate the social scene, their confidence fueled by the allure of alcohol and drugs.

At first, I brushed off the subtle hints and invitations, eager to find my place without compromising my values. But as the days turned into weeks, the pressure to partake in the party culture became increasingly difficult to ignore. It seemed like everywhere I turned, there was another invitation, another opportunity to join in and let loose.

I watched as friends and acquaintances succumbed to the temptation, their inhibitions melting away with each sip of alcohol or puff of smoke. Part of me longed to join them, to shed my reservations and immerse myself in the euphoria of the moment. But deep down, I knew that giving in would betray the principles I held dear to.

As the pressure mounted, I found myself grappling with doubt and uncertainty. Was I missing out on the quintessential college experience by abstaining from alcohol and drugs? Would I ever truly belong if I didn’t conform to the expectations of those around me?

But then, in a moment of clarity, I realized that my worth wasn’t defined by the choices I made or the substances I consumed. My strength lay in my ability to stand firm in the face of adversity, to chart my own course despite the prevailing currents of peer pressure.

I chose to stay away from peer pressure for several reasons:

Personal Values: I have strong personal values that prioritize health, safety, and integrity.

Academic Goals: Maintaining focus on my academic goals is paramount, and avoiding substance-use helps me stay on track.

Long-Term Well-Being: I recognize the long-term consequences of alcohol and drug abuse and prioritize my physical and mental well-being.

Self-Respect: By staying true to myself and my principles, I cultivate a sense of self-respect and self-confidence.

Positive Relationships: Surrounding myself with friends who respect my choices fosters genuine and positive relationships.

Legal Concerns: I am aware of the legal ramifications of underage drinking and drug possession and choose to avoid legal trouble.

Role Model: I aspire to be a role model for others and demonstrate that it’s possible to have a fulfilling college experience without succumbing to peer pressure.

With such considerations in mind, I began to assertively decline invitations to parties and gatherings where alcohol and drugs were the focal point. I surrounded myself with friends who respect my decisions and support my journey, finding solace in their unwavering encouragement.

As time went on, I discovered that there were countless ways to find joy and fulfillment in college beyond the confines of substance use. From hiking adventures to late-night study sessions, I embraced each opportunity to connect with others and create meaningful memories.

Looking back on my college experience, I am filled with pride knowing that I stayed true to myself in the face of adversity. While the allure of peer pressure may have been strong, it was no match for the strength of my convictions and the support of those who stood by my side.

Today, as I reflect on the journey that brought me to where I am, I am grateful for the lessons learned and the person I have become. Standing tall against peer pressure was no easy feat, but it was undoubtedly one of the most rewarding decisions I have ever made.

Emotional Freedom: the Bad Habit of Keeping Your Feelings Bottled Up

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By: Fahad Alden, Fine Arts Humanities and Social Sciences Well-being Leader

Why outward self-expression benefits more than just your state of mind

“There was a point where I found myself looking out for people who never cared for me, betrayed me, and didn’t support me.”

Sound familiar?

If you’re like me, you’ve interacted with many people in different capacities, whether friends, lovers, or colleagues. And if you struggle with being a people pleaser, chances are high that you’ve become accustomed to putting the feelings of others ahead of your own.

Even though society oddly praises selflessness for shelving your own emotions in favor of sparing someone else’s, repeatedly assuaging the pain of others while allowing your feelings to be neglected and frequently ignored can have long-lasting and detrimental effects on your psyche.

Suffering In Silence

Being polite is in my DNA. It’s been ingrained in me since childhood to always put on a cheerful demeanor,take the high road, and smile no matter the circumstance. To be fair, a lot of immigrants have this same mindset ingrained in them. This is how we manage memories of war, losing family and how we grasp losing our homeland.

This mindset lingreded  with me as I entered university and the workforce. Being positive or a “hype man” ended up being a main  compliment if not only I would get  Which caused me to associate it with my identity. It is because of this that I wear  “positivity” like a T-shirt, constantly swallowing my sadness to not burden anyone else with it.

By the grace of God, David, a friend of mine, entered my life a year ago. He has allowed me to express who I am without judgment or the desire for me to always be cheery. He taught me that we are not meant to continuously be the rock for everyone in our circle without having anyone to lean on.

Reveling In Self-Expression

I never thought that pouring myself into my creative projects would be the main catalyst to helping me break down my walls, allowing me to fully express myself in ways I’ve never experienced. Pouring yourself into creative work, such as art, writing, or music, is healing because it cathartically releases emotions. Resultantly, you get the end product made out of something dark turned into something beautiful.

I learned that suppressing my feelings only led to being treated like a doormat and contributed to my heightened levels of anxiety, stress, and anger.

Living Out Loud

Unlocking your feelings will open the doors to a newfound freedom that will help improve your communication and build your self-esteem

 You begin to learn the difference between exhibiting decorum when appropriate and completely disregarding your own feelings, growing more resentful as time goes on. Suddenly, you wake up knowing your worth.

 Mastering the art of vulnerability is not an overnight process, so start slow, stay the course, and if you’re in need of a little musical therapy by The Weeknd to get you through the tough times, they’ve got you covered. 

What is it about music that opens us up in ways that no one can?It allows us to feel less alone and more connected to humanity. No matter your age, race or gender we are all angry, sad or jealous at times. It is better to embrace these emotions than act as if they do not exist.

Thank you for reading, and I invite you to check other articles and stay connected for future ones. 

Link:  https://www.pinterest.com/Wicked_Moose/

About to graduate? Tackle the job search.

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By: Alejandra Malaga Walters, Francis College of Engineering Well-being Leader

People in this generation have shown that they do not want a small life or a small job. They want to work in a place where they can experience a sense of purpose. To land a job like that, to be noticed among the many, some special spark in you must burn brightly. Every single person out there has the capability of obtaining such a spark. But for that, there’s a critical ingredient that it needs to grow: space. 

Space is the pathway to discovering a job you’re passionate about. Too often, job seekers get caught up in the anxiety of the hunt and forget to nurture their spark. They forget to take a minute to think, or to breathe, reflect, and recover from the stress of finding meaningful work. Without space, job searching becomes overwhelming and this may drive someone to choose a role they don’t really want or burn out before even entering the interview process. 

If you’re currently searching for a job and feeling stressed, the following strategies may help you take the space you need to make smarter decisions about your future:

  1. Bring your best self.

Rather than focusing on specific outcomes, you should visualize yourself bringing your best self to high-stake situations, such as job interviews or the first day of work. This practice can alleviate stress and restore a sense of calm and clarity. 

  1. Address worries appropriately.

To safeguard your well-being, try to separate emotions from worries. While it’s important to acknowledge and experience emotions fully, worries should be contained and addressed at specific times each day in a healthy way, such as journaling. This prevents rumination and maintains focus. 

  1. Give yourself a minute to think.

Instead of impulsively accepting any job offer out of financial pressure, you should take time to consider whether a role aligns with your long-term goals and values. Is it something you really want? Try to visualize yourself in the position. This involves quiet reflection and sitting with decisions before acting. 

Transitioning from school into the workplace isn’t easy. Be thoughtful, don’t panic, and back up your big dreams with action.  And remember, your first job does not define your entire future! Dream jobs often become more accessible once you have some experience, and as you progress in your career, the nature of your dream job might change. Relieve some of the pressure surrounding graduation knowing that you don’t have to be doing the perfect thing right away. 

Take advantage of the resources available to you through UMass Lowell:

  • The Career Center: meet with an advisor for assistance with resume building, job searching (including at career fairs), filling out applications, and developing interviewing skills
  • Well-being leaders: schedule a meeting with a well-being leader to connect you with on-campus resources and help you discover opportunities in your chosen field 
  • Handshake: join this online platform to connect with UML alumni and recruiting employers

Finally, remember, there’s something you can learn from every job, and every experience you have will benefit you as a professional. So, know that you’ve got this. You’re armed with your degree, and you should be proud of all you’ve accomplished so far. Now, breathe in, and get ready to take your next big step. 

References: 

Finding a Job is Stressful. Here’s How to Get Through it. (hbr.org) 

About to Graduate? Don’t Freak Out About Your Career, Follow These Steps Instead (forbes.com)  

Living With Anxiety

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By: Julia Yeadon, College of Fine Arts Humanities and Social Sciences Well-being Leader

Imagine this: your palms are sweating, your heart racing, your chest tightening, throat closing, fighting for a breath of air – This is the experience of many individuals struggling with anxiety that deeply impacts their quality of life. When asked what anxiety is by someone who has not lived with it, I struggle to fully capture its daunting and exhausting qualities with a simple definition. It feels different each day. Some days are easy to manage and other days feel impossible to get through. Some days it feels like constant worrying and tension. Other days feel so intense with fear that it is inescapable. Some days a multitude of triggers stack on top of one another until everything comes crumbling down. Other days the worrying and fear have no clear reason. 

I have struggled with anxiety since elementary school. I remember the constant stomach aches and intense feeling of worry that kept me up every night. I remember experiencing sudden rushes of anxiety when leaving the house and when a test was placed in front of me at school. I remember avoiding the people and things I loved because I thought it would prevent an anxiety attack. I still experience most of this today.

For many years, I accepted that life would always be difficult with anxiety. I accepted that sometimes I would need to cancel plans to avoid social situations and hide at home where I felt most comfortable. I accepted not going to the mall, not going to that birthday party, not going to that concert, not living my life as I should have been all along. For those in the same place I was years ago, I want to tell you that life can be just as beautiful with anxiety, but it takes some work and consistency. Oftentimes, this may mean therapy, medication, or both, but there are also a number of self-help tools that can limit the symptoms as well. I would like to share some of those that I have learned over the past few years (many of which I discovered in college):

  1. Avoid caffeine and alcohol.

I love my morning coffee, but I notice that days where I have more than one coffee or consume other caffeinated beverages often increases my anxiety. You don’t need to completely cut coffee out of your diet, but consider the amount of caffeine you are consuming and decaffeinated options during more difficult days. In addition, days where I am experiencing more intense levels of anxiety are often worsened by consumption of alcohol. Try eliminating or decreasing caffeine and alcohol intake to see how this can affect your anxiety.

  1. Try meditation and breathing exercises.

During the start of college, I experienced a spike in my anxiety. I was having anxiety attacks more often and struggled to control them. I struggled to sleep as worries rushed through my mind the second my head hit the pillow each night. I was desperate to find anything that helped. I remember searching online for ways to ease an anxiety attack and I found meditation videos on YouTube. Thus, I began listening to short videos before bed and whenever I began to feel symptoms of an anxiety attack arise. I also found breathing techniques during my search, suggesting the 3-3-3 technique, in which you breathe in for 3 seconds, hold for 3 seconds, and release for 3 seconds. I recently tried yoga (which includes components of both meditation and breathing exercises) and have seen significant improvement. The thought of this sounded silly and useless at first, but I found that I can control my thoughts and my breathing.

  1. Stay active in your mind and body.

During my sophomore year of college, I began consistently weightlifting at the gym and felt immediate relief from anxiety. Physical exercise can look many different ways – running, going for walks, riding a bike, swimming, dancing, basketball, pilates, or yoga. Whatever way (or ways) you enjoy most, try to do it daily. Staying active physically decreases tension, relieves stress, and releases endorphins that enhance your mood. In addition, it is important to allow your mind to be active. Many individuals try to cope with their anxiety by pushing away worrying thoughts, and while distracting yourself can help temporarily, many of these thoughts return later on. Instead, try writing down these thoughts. After writing them down on a piece of paper, crumple it, tear it up, or burn it (safely, of course) to help yourself let go of these worries.

  1. Use the ice trick.

When I first started college, all I knew about easing anxiety attacks was to focus on breathing until one of my roommates shared a trick with me as she noticed me experiencing an anxiety attack one day. She took two ice packs from the freezer and held one to my ankle and the other to the back of my neck. Within seconds, the anxiety attack had passed. I asked her how it worked and she explained that the brain shifts focus between the two separate areas of the body, distracting the mind from the feeling of panic. This trick has yet to fail me.

  1. Don’t let yourself hide.

I have struggled with this for as long as I can remember, and, unfortunately, I sometimes still succumb to the idea of comfort through being alone in my own space. I often feel that when I am anxious, being in social settings will be too overstimulating, and, even worse, I fear experiencing an anxiety attack in public with nowhere to hide. But, I began forcing myself to attend those plans I had with my friends and I soon realized that surrounding myself with those who I love actually eases my anxiety. I also found that many of my friends live with anxiety too and could share what helps them. It saddens me to realize how much I have missed out on throughout the years due to my anxiety. Some days, I still choose to cancel plans and stay at home, but I try my best to allow the thought of missing out on making memories with loved ones to push myself to follow through with plans. 

If there is one thing you take from this, please know that your anxiety does not have to control you. You have the power to live a happy and fulfilling life despite the challenges that come with anxiety. While the suggestions above derive from my personal experiences, there are many other individuals eager to help. Please view a list of on-campus resources below to help you gain control of your anxiety:

How to Tackle Test Anxiety

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By: Sai Igiede, Zuckerberg College of Health Sciences Well-being Leader

Hey guys, it’s your local well-being leader, Sai, and today I want to talk about anxiety, specifically when it comes to exams. 

As a health science major, I know what it feels like to have exams and quizzes every week to the point where it becomes overwhelming with how much material you have to retain for each class. I am going to do my best to help you ease that pre and post-test anxiety by providing you with much-needed advice. 

Pre-Test Anxiety

Do your best to study with a healthy mindset. Studying is hard and everyone must learn to study in their own way. Studying with a positive attitude can have many benefits for both your mental and physical wellbeing. A prime example of this is when I first started studying chemistry, I let other people’s perceptions of the class alter my performance. “The class is insanely hard” or “You’re not going to pass” were things I heard from people often. I then started to internalize what they were saying and began to have a more negative outlook on chemistry, which truly reflected in my work. I began to dread the idea of the class and it wasn’t until I stopped listening to people’s opinions on the class and started to be more open-minded that my test scores began to improve. 

Mid-Test Anxiety 

Often what follows pre-test anxiety is mid-test anxiety. Not everyone experiences this, but those who do understand how difficult it is to break out of it, especially if you feel underprepared for an exam. Here are the steps that often help me get out of this funk:

  1. Go Slower than you need to. What some people do, myself included, is go slower during tests. This not only helps you focus on yourself and not the people around you but also helps you prevent small errors in your work. 
  2. Double-check answers BUT don’t overcheck them. This often adds to the pre-existing anxiety you may be experiencing.
  3. Give yourself positive encouragement throughout the exam. I just started doing this and it has helped me a bunch. I am someone who often has a lot of self-doubt during tests, so being able to push myself but also recognizing what I am doing is hard helps me center myself 

Post-Test Anxiety 

This type of anxiety often happens when you turn in your exam. As previously stated, this doesn’t happen to everyone but if it does, it is not a good feeling. The constant correcting of your answers in your head or the anxiety of waiting for your exam score to be returned is hard to overcome. Here are some things I do to not fall into this trap:

  1. Treat yourself after your exam to relieve anxiety.
  2. Debrief with the professor either before or after the score is released to see if your mistakes could have been prevented (if any were made).
  3. Tell yourself positive affirmations that will help ease your anxiety.
  4. Distract yourself with something that brings you joy, whether that playing video games or taking walks
  5. If the stress is starting to worsen, talk to someone who can give you positive feedback and can give you advice (a prime example is our Well-Being Leaders!). 

Test anxiety is hard for everyone, whether you go through all three of these stages or only one. All of these suggestions may not work for you and that is fine! We all work and operate differently, so what may work for one person may not work for someone else. As long as you are trying your best to be a better version of your current self, that is all that matters, and I applaud you for that! 

Until next time, 

Sai

Don’t Let Winter Get You Down

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By: Alejandra Malaga Walters, Francis College of Engineering Well-being Leader  

Since childhood, I remember worriedly watching as we came closer to the end of the year. Winter, sadness, and expecting the cold both outside and inside. Predictably, it’s very common to feel unmotivated, unsatisfied, and unhappy each winter.  

The reasons behind winter sadness are mysterious, the lack of light since the days are shorter, deficiency in Vitamin D3, the start of school again, and a decrease in activity may all play a role. But just because it’s cold doesn’t mean we can’t continue spending time outside. 

Even if it’s bitterly cold, the beauty of nature is incredibly healing and helpful for putting things back into perspective. Try new outside activities that you can only do during winter! If you find an activity you love, maybe you will want every winter to come to do it again. Go skiing, ice skating, snowboarding, or sledding. There are also other indoor activities such as roller skating or bowling. Try to keep yourself active. As long as you continue to move your body, you are taking a big step toward feeling better bonus points if you are outside in the fresh air. The university also offers Outdoor Adventure Programs (OAP) during the winter. You can look through the website and see something you might like:   https://www.uml.edu/campusrecreation/programs/outdoor-adventure/.

If you just want to stay at home and watch some movies or read a book, it’s completely okay to stay in your pajamas all weekend, even more, when you are feeling low. But if you want to change that feeling, it’s helpful to fight that negative mood with simple actions. In this case, taking a long shower and putting on comfortable and attractive clothing can be energizing and reset our moods. It is also extremely helpful for making us feel like productive human beings moving in the right direction.   

Take it easy. If you feel like laying on the couch and binging shows—whatever is going to feel good right now with minimal effort—then just do it. Just don’t let the winter get you down for a long period of time because, remember, it’s not going to last forever.   

“When things get harder, if you still have choices, ideally, you make that harder choice.” says psychologist Vaile Wright, senior director of healthcare innovation at the American Psychological Association. 

References:  

10 Ways to Beat the Winter Blues | Psychology Today

How I Overcame My FOMO: A Journey to Finding Peace and Contentment

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By: Angel Molekunnel, Manning School of Business Well-being Leader 

I remember those nights…I’d be lying in bed, phone in hand, scrolling through my socials like it was my job. Every post showing off some epic adventure or wild party from my friends just hit differently. FOMO? FOMO or ‘Fear of Missing Out’ refers to the feeling or perception that others are having more fun, living better lives, or experiencing better things than you are. It felt as if I was falling behind and couldn’t measure up to the excitement I saw online. But I wasn’t about to let that hold me back. So, I decided to take matters into my own hands—a journey, if you will. And through some trial and error, I managed to break free from FOMO’s grip. And you know what? I found a new sense of peace and fulfillment that I never knew was possible.

5 Steps to Overcoming FOMO: 

  1. I’m taking steps to limit my social media use since it often amplifies my FOMO by showcasing others’ seemingly perfect lives. I use social media only 2-3 hours a day.  By cutting down my time on these platforms and unfollowing accounts that trigger negative feelings, I’m reclaiming control over my emotions. 
  1. Every night, I spent time practicing gratitude. Shifting my focus from what I lack to what I have helps me maintain a positive perspective. Keeping a gratitude journal and regularly noting down the things I’m thankful for grounds me in the present and counteracts feelings of inadequacy. 
  1. Living in the present is key to overcoming FOMO. Instead of fixating on what others are doing, I prioritize enjoying the moment and engaging in activities that bring me joy, regardless of their popularity. 
  1. Setting boundaries is essential for my well-being. Learning to decline invitations or activities that don’t genuinely interest me allows me to prioritize my needs over the fear of missing out on something. It’s empowering to take control of my time and energy. 
  1. Overcoming FOMO involved a significant shift in my mindset. Rather than constantly wishing I was participating in every activity my peers were, I learned to celebrate their successes and happiness genuinely. I came to a crucial realization: satisfaction cannot be attained through constant comparison and competition with others. Instead, I redirected my focus inward, embracing my authentic self, which gradually diminished my feelings of jealousy. 

Nowadays, I find contentment in both staying home and going out. I’ve established a new routine for after-school and weekends, prioritizing self-care and quality time with my family, such as watching movies together. Additionally, I’ve rekindled my appreciation for simple pleasures, like listening to music and enjoying the comfort of my own space. 

Though I may still experience occasional pangs of FOMO, I no longer feel compelled to meet unrealistic social expectations that once consumed my thoughts.

Practicing Self-Love This Valentine’s Day 

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By: Yashvi Patel, Kennedy College of Sciences Well-being Leader 

Valentine’s day isn’t just about lovers expressing their affection by exchanging cards, flowers, and candy, and having romantic meals in restaurants. Nonetheless, it is a day to show extra love and appreciation for those who you care about, and that should include yourself. It all starts with yourself. I really believe that love starts from within and that your capacity to love someone else is largely driven by your capacity to love yourself. What I mean by that is you cannot give something that you are unfamiliar with yourself. Self-love allows you to love others because you know how to care for yourself. I think loving yourself and loving others goes hand in hand. If you develop inner contentment and wellbeing, you can naturally strengthen your relationship with others.  

Practicing self-love offers many benefits for your body and mind. Self-love helps you overcome insecurity. When you practice self-love, you become more forgiving of your flaws and accept your imperfections as something that makes you unique. People who love themselves are more confident and self-assured. Self-love can also encourage personal growth and self-improvement. You are more aware of your flaws and areas of improvements that you can actively work on to better your overall wellbeing. There are 8 dimensions of wellness that you can concentrate your efforts on: emotional, physical, occupational, social, spiritual, intellectual, environmental, and financial. Self-love also allows you to be at peace with yourself as you let go of negative self-talk, self-doubt, and self-criticism, and bring in positivity and happiness.  

I like to schedule “me time” at least once a week where I have one commitment, which is to myself. My self-care routine typically consists of putting on some relaxing music, doing a face mask, doing my eyebrows, and finishing it off by applying some oils and moisturizer. I also have days where I feel lonely and would enjoy the company of others, so I typically travel to Boston and catch up with some friends or go for a stroll around the seaport area.  

This February 14th, pamper and treat yourself to your own curated self-care routine. If you have nowhere to start, you can start by using positive affirmations, which are statements and phrases that replace negative self-talk with positive thoughts. Below are some powerful self-love affirmations you can use on Valentine’s Day. You can repeat these statements out loud or write them down in a journal. Personally, I like to make sticky notes of some of my favorite affirmations and stick them on my dressing table mirror, so they serve as constant reminders to think positively while I’m getting ready.  

  1. I am perfect, just the way I am. 
  1. I am constantly growing, evolving, and becoming my best self. 
  1. I am a constant work in progress. 
  1. I am proud of who I am becoming. 
  1. I am learning to love myself more every day. 
  1. I accept my failures, but they do not define me. 
  1. I am not less for making mistakes. I am more because I learn from them. 
  1. My goal is progress, not perfection. 
  1. I am worthy of love, with my flaws and all. 
  1. I will treat myself with the kindness of a friend. 
  1. My imperfections make me unique. 
  1. I will not apologize for being me. 
  1. I will set my boundaries and reinforce them. 
  1. My body does not determine my worth. 
  1. I will accept my body the way it is today. 
  1. I care for my health, not for my body to look a certain way. 
  1. I am grateful for this mind, body and soul. 
  1. One bad day does not make me a bad person. 
  1. I will send love to my worries and doubts. 
  1. I will let go of things that no longer serve me. 

Resources: 

https://blog.journey.cloud/valentines-self-love-affirmations/

Overcoming the “People-Pleasing” Mindset

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By: Fajr Zahid, Zuckerberg College of Health Sciences Well-being Leader 

Do you find yourself constantly trying to please those around you and maybe even neglecting your own thoughts and feelings in order to do so? Or do you struggle to confront someone when you feel they have wronged or hurt you, in fear that you may come off as being rude or overbearing? While I’m sure many of us have found ourselves in scenarios where we felt the need to sacrifice our voices or opinions, or where we did not feel comfortable saying “no” to someone, constantly engaging in this type of behavior can be quite harmful to your emotional, or sometimes even physical, well-being. 

It is part of human nature to want to feel accepted and liked by others, and to act in ways that you believe those around you will be pleased by. However, it is not healthy to sacrifice your wants or needs in order to achieve this acceptance. By going against yourself and suppressing your true emotions, you may be protecting someone else’s feelings, but at the same time, you are neglecting your own. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be perceived as a kind, generous, or easy-going person, but you should not do so at the cost of your well-being and self worth. For instance, if someone mistreats or disrespects you, know that it is okay to stand up for yourself and to communicate your genuine thoughts and feelings. After all, if a person is worthy of being a part of your life, they should be understanding towards your feelings, not dismiss you for expressing them. Or let’s say you are asked to be part of a situation that you are uncomfortable with – it is completely okay to say no. You may fear that you will be judged, looked at differently, or even disliked, but none of these things are as important as protecting yourself and looking after your needs. 

Although it is easier for some than others to overcome the “people-pleasing” mindset, I believe that this is something that everyone is capable of improving on. It might take some time and mental strength, but it is worth it to be able to protect yourself from unwanted situations or interactions. Here are some things I’ve come to realize over the years that have personally allowed me to overcome the need to always please others: 

  1. Recognizing and establishing your boundaries is important, and it allows you to understand what kind of behavior you will and will not tolerate.
  1. There is a difference between being “rude” or “overbearing” and simply expressing your feelings towards a negative situation or experience. 
  1. You should consider your own wants and needs the same way you consider the wants and needs of others.
  2. The fear of being judged or disliked should not hold you back from standing up for yourself.
  1. You cannot always please everyone – some may approve of you and some may not, but these opinions do not matter as long as you are not putting yourself or anyone else in harm’s way.
  1. It is okay to say no to something that makes you uncomfortable, no matter the person, place, or situation. 

Remember, you can be a kind and likable person without tolerating disrespect or allowing others to cross your boundaries. You should never be afraid of standing up for yourself or voicing your thoughts and opinions because they matter just as much as anyone else’s. If you find yourself often engaging in people-pleasing habits, I hope you found this blog post to be helpful and that you are able to apply some of these friendly tips to your own life!

Valentine’s Day Tips

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By: Medi Woldemichael, Manning School of Business Well-being Leader

Valentine’s Day as a college student can often feel like a reminder of your relationship status, especially if you’re single. But let’s be real, there’s no reason why you can’t turn this day into something positive for yourself. So, forget about the pressure to be romantically involved. Here’s a guide to making Valentine’s Day cool and enjoyable, even without a significant other:

Self Care 

Self-care doesn’t have to be all bubble baths and face masks (unless that’s your thing, of course). This Valentine’s Day, think about what genuinely makes you happy. Maybe it’s grabbing a pizza and having a gaming marathon, or perhaps it’s finally starting that book that’s been on your shelf for months. The point is to do something that feels good for you without falling into the trap of stereotypical self-care. 

Connect with Loved Ones 

Valentine’s Day is fundamentally about love, but who says it has to be romantic love? Take this opportunity to catch up with friends or family. You could organize a laid-back hangout, have a virtual movie night, or just send a few texts to let them know you’re thinking about them. It’s about appreciating the connections you have, not lamenting the ones you don’t. 

Plan a Solo Adventure 

One of the freedoms of being single is the ability to go on adventures on your own. Use this day to do something you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t had the opportunity to. That might mean visiting a new coffee shop, going for a long hike, or checking out a local event like the Lowell Winterfest. The idea is to enjoy your own company and the freedom you have to explore on your whim. 

Reflect on Personal Growth 

Instead of getting bogged down by the Valentine’s Day hype, take a moment to think about where you’re at in life and where you want to go. This doesn’t have to be a deep, soul-searching exercise—just a simple check-in with yourself to acknowledge your achievements and set some casual goals for the future. 

Being single doesn’t have to be a disappointment, and it certainly doesn’t have to be emotional. It’s all about shifting your perspective and focusing on what makes you feel good. Whether that’s spending time with loved ones, enjoying your own company, or just treating the day like any other, the key is to do what works for you. Remember, February 14 is just one day out of the year, and it doesn’t define your worth or happiness. So, let’s stay relaxed and turn it into a great day, no matter our relationship status.