World of Whiskies and Immunitea – The Road to Lisbon

So.. here goes my first blog post. Currently running on about 1 hour of sleep whilst simultaneously nursing a 5 hour layover en route to Lisbon at the ever glorious and far too big (we had to take a subway AND a bus just to get from one terminal to another) Heathrow Airport in London. To my surprise.. when we arrived in this fair city it was sunny and hot…. thats right folks, sunny.. and hot. Not a rain cloud in sight. A well known rain connoisseur myself, you can only imagine my initial disappointment in a place known for its overcast weather behaving in such a way. Blasphemy. But alas.. my spirit did not dwindle and I entered Heathrow with an open (but mostly tired) mind. Since we jumped about 5 hours ahead in time (planes are time travel devices and I don’t care what anyone has to say otherwise) and it was now 10am, my trusty travelling companion Katie and I decided that the logical thing for us to do was get some breakfast. I suggested seafood but Katie told me thats not ‘breakfast food’. Boo. Who cares about social rules anyway. After meandering around for a bit, we finally decided on this chic little restaurant called Pilot, decorated with fake plants and lots of mirrors to feed the apetite of your every day adventure seeking narcissist. The menu had some very interesting (and very British) choices.. such as Bubbles and Squeak? If anyone knows what that is please inform me because I still remain baffled. After carefully deliberating over the menu, I opted for a Bellini (peach juice and prosecco is my weakness) and eggs and toast… which was actually in fact eggs, toast and baked beans. I asked for no beans but the server looked uncomfortable about that and avoided eye contact with me whilst shuffling her feet so in order to ease her pain I just told her that beans were fine. It was also very interesting to note how different the food service industry is overseas.. the food is amazing but the servers seem to care a whole lot less about your overall dining experience. I almost didn’t want to tip (I did, of course. Force of habit from being a waitress for so long). Katie got a couple of scones and some clotted cream (basically just cream that has the consistency of whipped butter), and then accidentally missed her cup when pouring out half of her teapot. I found that hilarious, as did the family sitting next to us. It was the most tragic part of our day, really. After waiting much too long to get our check, Katie and I finally escaped the restaurant of mirrors and set out exploring the shops of Heathrow. I, of course, was immediately drawn to the World of Whiskies. From the name, you can probably guess that this was a shop more than capable of catering to even the most pretentious of whiskey snobs; I myself, was in heaven. I managed to procure at least 6 different {free} samples of whiskey, the first of which (to the utter dismay of the salesman) I must have taken down far too quickly because he turned to me in alarm and said ‘oh my… did.. did you even taste that?” … I made sure to keep my savage drinking nature at bay after that, didn’t want to give the poor guy a heart attack. Finally, I decided on a purchase; the best and most reasonably priced scotch I have ever found; Scapa single malt scotch whisky. God save the Queen and mind the gap, my scotch prayers had been answered and I happily bounced out of the World of Whiskies while the salesman heaved a sigh of relief. I found Katie and the two of us decided to spend the next couple hours just lounging around on the airport chairs- we both were still exhausted. At one point, Katie asked me to watch her stuff while she got up to go and buy a drink. When she returned.. she was carrying one of the most bizarre- and frankly violating- beverages I have ever encountered. It was called Immunitea- and at first glance.. you think it’s just an innocent bottle of tea that will help you fight off any and all sickness/toxins in the air…… but upon further inspection you realize that the bottle is far more forward than your father would like it to be. Case and point; “Now that I’ve been in your mouth, I think it’s time we had a chat.” Woah. Settle down.. bottle of tea? Thats honestly the most aggressive come on I have ever had the misfortune of experiencing and you’re not even alive. Guys at the bar- step up your game. The tea bottle has you beat, and thats just embarrassing. Well.. thats about it for now. If you happen to find the utter insanity of my mind amusing, stay tuned for my sure to be hilarious recap of our first night in Lisbon that I’ll hopefully have posted by tomorrow. Until then.. make sure you’re reading the fine print on any and all international tea bottles that you may be purchasing… I mean, unless you’re into that of course. Hey, to each their own, c’est la vie baby!