I’ve learned it takes two days and four phases to fall in love. That is, at least, my experience thus far with San Sebastián. Although I’ve spent less than 60 hours in the Basque Country, I feel I’ve learned far more than can be measured about España, Basque culture, history, and, of course, myself. 

The first phase of my self-proclaimed “four phases of love”: infatuation. Upon my flight’s descent into Bilbao, I stared in complete awe at the scenes I was met with. Although I had learned of the Basque Country through various forms of media, devoted much of my paychecks to crafting an ideal wardrobe (knowing I would never truly find perfection in it), and excitedly daydreamed of this trip and its destination for months, I was suddenly met with an overwhelming sense of realization that I was in the presence of something incredibly grand and beautiful. At this moment, I possessed no fear of any difficulties that might reveal themselves to me on this trip. There seemed to be no wrong with this beautiful region. As an Oregon native and Hawaii frequenter, I felt great comfort in the mountains, greenery, and water displayed before me. I was excited to create a new relationship with such a beautiful place. This feeling came effortlessly, as I observed a land that looked like it carried no flaws. 

Soon after deplaning, my rose-colored glasses began to come off. The next phase–the reality check–began to set in. Although still full of excitement, I quickly became aware of the real difficulties associated with being in a foreign country with minimal understanding of the culture, language, and geography. Whether that came from failing multiple times to buy a bus ticket from the airport’s machine or getting judgmental looks from Basque locals as my friends and I wandered San Sebastián in our “jeans and a cute top” outfits searching for dinner at the ripe hour of 5:00, about four hours before everyone else eats, or from my inability to communicate with just about anyone through my very broken Spanish, I was quickly humbled by reality. Regret began to set in as I questioned if the whole trip would feel as humiliating and culturally isolating as it did in those first few hours. 

Over the next two days, a shift occurred. All of a sudden, I found myself becoming immersed in Basque life, whether through the growing language skills I have begun developing in class and practicing throughout the city, a better understanding of the layout and culture of San Sebastián, or an overall increasing sense of familiarity with this place. Although it feels impossible to avoid feelings of fear and self-doubt at times due to my continued unfamiliarity with both the language and culture, those emotions slowly began to be replaced with curiosity, comfort, and admiration. What once felt overwhelming started to feel exciting, and the city that initially intimidated me soon became the very thing drawing me in. I feel this is where I have truly begun to develop a love for this city and the region surrounding it.

I have begun to feel a deeper and fuller sense of appreciation for the Basque Country. Although I cannot credit myself in any way as experienced enough in this region to call myself familiar with it, I have learned to find beauty in the “imperfections” that present themselves to me. My original sense of butterflies still exists, but it is overshadowed by a profound, comforting certainty. I can truly say I have experienced difficulties and despite any hardships in my foreigner reality, I love it all anyway. Earlier today, I found myself successfully ordering a meal entirely in Spanish, and later laughing through awkward linguistic miscommunications with a server instead of shrinking from them. Today, we went up Monte Igueldo, and as I looked over the elevated ledge at the landscape before me, I was hit with my initial sense of awe. Suddenly, beaches are beaches again, mountains are mountains, people are people, and my expectations of San Sebastián no longer feel far from reality. 

Perhaps these phases are not as separate as I originally imagined them to be. Maybe infatuation, harsh reality, growth, and appreciation can all exist simultaneously, constantly overlapping and reshaping one another. And with nearly two more weeks left in San Sebastián, I have a feeling this version of love–one grounded in both awe and reality–will continue to grow and strengthen day by day, and year by year, even after I return home.