{"id":988,"date":"2026-10-21T09:40:35","date_gmt":"2026-10-21T14:40:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.uml.edu\/wellbeing\/?p=988"},"modified":"2026-10-21T09:50:58","modified_gmt":"2026-10-21T14:50:58","slug":"learning-to-belong-without-losing-myself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.uml.edu\/wellbeing\/2026\/10\/21\/learning-to-belong-without-losing-myself\/","title":{"rendered":"Learning to Belong Without Losing Myself"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By Adhishree Shah, Francis College of Engineering Well-Being Leader<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I packed almost my entire life into two suitcases and moved nearly 8,000 miles away from home. For the first time, there was no parent waiting outside to pick me up, no familiar routine to fall back on, and no one I could immediately rely on to figure things out for me. Everything I knew; my family, my friends, my culture, even the small habits that made me feel like me was suddenly far away. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling Out of Place<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I first started meeting people here, I quickly realized how much shared context everyone seemed to have. My peers had grown up with similar shows, jokes, childhood memories, slang, and cultural references. Sometimes a conversation would begin, and everyone around me would immediately understand what was being talked about. I often did not. There were moments when I sat there trying to understand what everyone else already seemed to know, and it made me very aware that I had not grown up here. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

At first, I thought this was something I needed to hide because I was embarrassed. I worried that if I kept asking what things meant, people might think I was awkward. I worried that if I did not understand a joke, I might seem boring. I worried that being different would make it harder for me to belong. So, like anyone trying to find their place somewhere new, I tried to blend in. And the cost of it? My confidence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trying to Fit In<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There were many times when I laughed because everyone else was laughing, even when I did not fully understand the joke. I wanted to seem easygoing and not draw attention to the fact that I had grown up somewhere else. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Looking back, I realize how much energy I spent trying not to look confused. I was constantly asking myself: Should I know this? Should I ask? Will I sound weird if I say I do not understand? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The more I tried to fit in, the more I started hiding parts of myself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Letting Go of the Embarrassment<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A lot began to change when I realized I did not feel like the same person anymore. At first, I thought that meant I was growing. But then I started wondering: since when did losing the parts that make you \u201cYOU\u201d <\/em>become growth? That question made me look at my own behavior. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I started to realize that maybe I had been too hard on myself. Of course, there were things I did not understand right away\u2014I had grown up in a completely different environment. That did not mean there was anything wrong with me; it simply meant I was still learning how to navigate a new place. When I accepted that, I became much more comfortable saying things like, \u201cWait, I actually don\u2019t know what that means. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And something surprising happened: people just explained it. There was no dramatic reaction. No one suddenly decided I did not belong. I realized that so much of the pressure had been coming from me. I had convinced myself that belonging required me to know everything everyone else knew. It did not. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Appreciating My Own Story<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once I stopped focusing on what I did not know, I began appreciating what I did know. I had my own stories, traditions, food, culture, and way of seeing the world. Instead of thinking only about the experiences, I had missed by not growing up here, I started thinking about everything I had experienced because I grew up somewhere else. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am fortunate to be living this life. I get to study in a country I once dreamed about, meet people with completely different experiences, and learn something new almost every day. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I do not want to spend that opportunity pretending to be someone else. I want to experience it as myself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Finding Belonging<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For me, belonging started when I stopped trying so hard to belong. It sounds strange, but that is exactly what happened. Once I became comfortable admitting that I did not know certain things, I became more comfortable in conversations. Once I stopped worrying about whether my differences made me \u201cuncool,\u201d I became more confident sharing my own experiences. And once I stopped treating my background as something I needed to hide, I started feeling more at home. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I still have moments when I do not understand a reference. I still ask questions, and I am still learning. The difference is that I no longer see those moments as proof that I do not belong. They are simply part of living somewhere new. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, when I look back, I think about what I would tell the 18-year-old version of myself who arrived here with two suitcases, trying desperately to figure out how to fit in. I would tell her that finding a home in a new place is not about changing yourself enough to fit into it. It is about finally feeling comfortable enough to let that place know who you are.  <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Adhishree Shah, Francis College of Engineering Well-Being Leader I packed almost my entire life into two suitcases and moved nearly 8,000 miles away from home. For the first time, there was no parent waiting outside to pick me up, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1762,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6,13],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.uml.edu\/wellbeing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/988"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.uml.edu\/wellbeing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.uml.edu\/wellbeing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.uml.edu\/wellbeing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1762"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.uml.edu\/wellbeing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=988"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.uml.edu\/wellbeing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/988\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":995,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.uml.edu\/wellbeing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/988\/revisions\/995"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.uml.edu\/wellbeing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=988"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.uml.edu\/wellbeing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=988"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.uml.edu\/wellbeing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=988"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}