By: Fajr Zahid, Zuckerberg College of Health Sciences Well-being Leader 

Do you find yourself constantly trying to please those around you and maybe even neglecting your own thoughts and feelings in order to do so? Or do you struggle to confront someone when you feel they have wronged or hurt you, in fear that you may come off as being rude or overbearing? While I’m sure many of us have found ourselves in scenarios where we felt the need to sacrifice our voices or opinions, or where we did not feel comfortable saying “no” to someone, constantly engaging in this type of behavior can be quite harmful to your emotional, or sometimes even physical, well-being. 

It is part of human nature to want to feel accepted and liked by others, and to act in ways that you believe those around you will be pleased by. However, it is not healthy to sacrifice your wants or needs in order to achieve this acceptance. By going against yourself and suppressing your true emotions, you may be protecting someone else’s feelings, but at the same time, you are neglecting your own. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be perceived as a kind, generous, or easy-going person, but you should not do so at the cost of your well-being and self worth. For instance, if someone mistreats or disrespects you, know that it is okay to stand up for yourself and to communicate your genuine thoughts and feelings. After all, if a person is worthy of being a part of your life, they should be understanding towards your feelings, not dismiss you for expressing them. Or let’s say you are asked to be part of a situation that you are uncomfortable with – it is completely okay to say no. You may fear that you will be judged, looked at differently, or even disliked, but none of these things are as important as protecting yourself and looking after your needs. 

Although it is easier for some than others to overcome the “people-pleasing” mindset, I believe that this is something that everyone is capable of improving on. It might take some time and mental strength, but it is worth it to be able to protect yourself from unwanted situations or interactions. Here are some things I’ve come to realize over the years that have personally allowed me to overcome the need to always please others: 

1. Recognizing and establishing your boundaries is important, and it allows you to understand what kind of behavior you will and will not tolerate.

2. There is a difference between being “rude” or “overbearing” and simply expressing your feelings towards a negative situation or experience. 

3. You should consider your own wants and needs the same way you consider the wants and needs of others.
4. The fear of being judged or disliked should not hold you back from standing up for yourself.

5. You cannot always please everyone – some may approve of you and some may not, but these opinions do not matter as long as you are not putting yourself or anyone else in harm’s way.

6. It is okay to say no to something that makes you uncomfortable, no matter the person, place, or situation. 

Remember, you can be a kind and likable person without tolerating disrespect or allowing others to cross your boundaries. You should never be afraid of standing up for yourself or voicing your thoughts and opinions because they matter just as much as anyone else’s. If you find yourself often engaging in people-pleasing habits, I hope you found this blog post to be helpful and that you are able to apply some of these friendly tips to your own life!